Jello Salad is an Oxymoron

Screenshot of Jello Book adI cook nearly every day, so I regularly browse recipes online, looking for inspiration to change up our menu. Since I also like “Free”, I’m in a Facebook group where people post links to free Kindle books. Today, those two interests combined with a free kindle Jello cookbook. I’m surprised anyone eats Jello on purpose, and more so that someone thought there was a demand for a Jello cookbook. But, there it is.

The title, “Jello Salads 250: Enjoy 250 days with amazing jello salad recipes…” is pretty ambitious. Could anyone possibly enjoy 250 days of nonstop jello salad? Are there any jello salads that anyone would, with a straight face, call “amazing?” Then there’s the sales pitch: “If you’re living a sedentary or inactive lifestyle, this book might INSPIRE you to eat more Jello Salad Recipes!” Talk about target marketing. This book is for sedentary/inactive people who need inspiration to eat more Jello. Can’t get more niche than that.

I remember Jello salads. Mom especially loved putting cottage cheese and pineapple in jello, which IMO (and the opinions of everyone else around the table), looked like it had already been eaten once, and then remolded when the unfortunate diner couldn’t keep it down. She also loved a spam/jello monstrosity, and one fateful meal included tomato aspic. The memory still makes me gag.

My first after-school job was waitressing at a Walgreens Grill where we served a bunch of jello. At the end of the week, any Jello still hanging around was nearing the rubber level of a Knox Blox (remember those?) and got dumped into a tub, mixed with the leftover strawberry pie, both the crust and filling, spooned into a parfait glass and finished off with that fake restaurant whipped topping that doesn’t melt. People LOVED it for some very strange reason I still don’t understand. We always sold out.

Just like drivers who slow down to rubberneck a gnarly accident, I did end up downloading the book. Free is free. Flipping through the recipes left me shocked, horrified, and surprised that someone could come up with 250 variations of things to entomb in jello. If anybody actually pays real money for this book, I will truly be amazed.

NOTE: This blog is being updated to a new domain. When you return (if you return), the new domain is weirdenough.rocks. Hope to see you there.

This is exactly how you ruin summer

Sunkist has a unique way of ruining things for kids. We all remember the horror of the “Raisins – nature’s candy” campaign that destroyed Halloween. Their latest ad is guaranteed to break the heart of any child looking forward to a sweet frozen treat on a hot day. Because vanilla prune popsicles will definitely make them cry. Thanks for ruining summer.

Popsicle advertisement

“We know what you’re thinking. “Prune Popsicles?!” But trust us. They’re delicious, healthy, easy to make, and perfect for summer!

 

NOTE: This blog is being updated soon to a new domain. When you return (if you return), the new domain is weirdenough.rocks. Hope to see you there.

Now you’re just being silly

Black Globe from IkeaIKEA, the store where you can buy reasonably priced stuff with weird names, prides itself on selling a lot of things nobody really needs to people who just buy stuff because it’s at IKEA. To test the limits of their customers’ ability to waste money, they have just released this black globe, and many people like me wonder why. Do you write on it with markers? Maybe, but it doesn’t say so. Is it just an apocalyptic scorched-earth representation? It doesn’t say that, either.

So, we look to the copywriter for some insight, and they basically say, “Yeah, I got nothin'”.

Since the description isn’t helping, let’s ask Google what “Lindrande” is in English. That ought to help us out.Google translate

Okay, then. I’m pretty sure I know what palliative means, but just in case I’m wrong, let’s ask the good folks at Google.

I can’t imagine this globe relieves pain, is soothing, or calming, so they must think this “alleviates a problem without addressing the underlying cause.” The problem? Having enough cash to waste it on silly things like a black globe that is, “Nice as a table decoration, for example.”

Great news for stoners

Stoners, rejoice! You can now order your munchies online, and have them delivered in 2 hours. You don’t have to rely on pizza, or restaurants to deliver. Get REAL munchies with Amazon Prime Now.

Prime Now

Many moons ago, the only thing we could get delivered was pizza. Then Chinese restaurants joined in. Eventually, lots of places starting delivering food, but nothing really hit the spot when you were too wrecked to leave the house. Now, thanks to capitalism, stoners in Colorado can get everything they could ever crave. Funyuns, double-stuffed oreos, twizzlers, chili cheese Fritos, and chocolate milk. Ordered online, delivered right to your door. How awesome is that?

My weed-filled nights are ancient history, so I don’t need this service. For ages, we sat around and talked about how great it would be to get munchies delivered. We even dreamed up a service called, “Eight Items or Less.” With this service, the delivery person would pick up anything, up to eight items, and bring them to you for one flat fee. Why a limit of eight? I couldn’t say. The brain cell that held that knowledge has long since bit the dust. I’d like to think that someone from Amazon was sitting around the coffee table as we played quarters and discussed the pressing news of the day. If so, a small royalty would be in order. But, like most things when the bud is being passed, it’s all good.