Now you’re just being silly

Black Globe from IkeaIKEA, the store where you can buy reasonably priced stuff with weird names, prides itself on selling a lot of things nobody really needs to people who just buy stuff because it’s at IKEA. To test the limits of their customers’ ability to waste money, they have just released this black globe, and many people like me wonder why. Do you write on it with markers? Maybe, but it doesn’t say so. Is it just an apocalyptic scorched-earth representation? It doesn’t say that, either.

So, we look to the copywriter for some insight, and they basically say, “Yeah, I got nothin'”.

Since the description isn’t helping, let’s ask Google what “Lindrande” is in English. That ought to help us out.Google translate

Okay, then. I’m pretty sure I know what palliative means, but just in case I’m wrong, let’s ask the good folks at Google.

I can’t imagine this globe relieves pain, is soothing, or calming, so they must think this “alleviates a problem without addressing the underlying cause.” The problem? Having enough cash to waste it on silly things like a black globe that is, “Nice as a table decoration, for example.”

Great news for stoners

Stoners, rejoice! You can now order your munchies online, and have them delivered in 2 hours. You don’t have to rely on pizza, or restaurants to deliver. Get REAL munchies with Amazon Prime Now.

Prime Now

Many moons ago, the only thing we could get delivered was pizza. Then Chinese restaurants joined in. Eventually, lots of places starting delivering food, but nothing really hit the spot when you were too wrecked to leave the house. Now, thanks to capitalism, stoners in Colorado can get everything they could ever crave. Funyuns, double-stuffed oreos, twizzlers, chili cheese Fritos, and chocolate milk. Ordered online, delivered right to your door. How awesome is that?

My weed-filled nights are ancient history, so I don’t need this service. For ages, we sat around and talked about how great it would be to get munchies delivered. We even dreamed up a service called, “Eight Items or Less.” With this service, the delivery person would pick up anything, up to eight items, and bring them to you for one flat fee. Why a limit of eight? I couldn’t say. The brain cell that held that knowledge has long since bit the dust. I’d like to think that someone from Amazon was sitting around the coffee table as we played quarters and discussed the pressing news of the day. If so, a small royalty would be in order. But, like most things when the bud is being passed, it’s all good.

 

Eating food is bad for you

AOL published this scary post to their Lifestyle section last month: 

Oh My God. Yet another food that is going to kill us. Because we’ve been doing it all wrong!

Instead of merely cooking rice, they propose we go through a multi-step process to wash away all the deadly arsenic that shows up naturally in the rice. Once the final rinse is done, a product that is pretty flavorless in the first place is guaranteed to be something no one would enjoy eating.  And what about all those vitamins the rice is fortified with? They’re washed away, too, so you’re left with tiny bits of nothing that have no nutritional value. Tasty.

Practically everything a human can consume has been touted as dangerous. In fact, the perfectly lovely chocolate, which never harmed me a day in my life, is not only dangerous, but according to Stephanie Relfe B.Sc. (Sydney), in her post, The Great Dangers of Chocolate,  it could keep me from ever having a loving relationship. In other words, stop eating chocolate right now, or you will die alone.

  • Foods I consume that have been labeled as dangerous or deadly include:
    Rice. Not so good on its own, but a great vehicle for other lovely and delicious things, like Kung Pao.
  • Butter. Butter on toast, on baked potatoes, on other things that are just darned better with butter, like eggs, which could also kill me.
  • Cake. Especially chocolate cake. Yummmmmmmmmmmm Chocolate.
  • Pasta. Spaghetti, macaroni and cheese. With parmesan cheese on top.
  • Cheese. Havarti, cheddar, mozzarella, mascarpone, brie, sliced, shredded, big hunks and perfectly square cubes.
  • Pizza. Artisan pizza with lots of cheese, Red Baron, home made, stuff from the guy around the corner. Pizza is life.
  • Cookies. Chewy circles and squares of goodness with chocolate chips, soft puffy clouds of vanilla, lemon bars that make my mouth water. The world would be a sad place if cookies didn’t exist.
  • Potatoes. Baked and served with butter and sour cream, French fried, waffle cut, tater tots. Tots! So crispy and warm, dipped in ranch dressing or catsup.
  • Chips. Have you tried Ruffles Cheddar & Sour Cream chips? You haven’t lived until you try them. And BBQ chips. For two years, I had BBQ chips and Diet Coke for breakfast, and I’m still alive.
  • Ice cream. The food of the gods. Especially chocolate fudge with brownie bits and hot fudge sauce. With an artificially colored and enhanced cherry on top.
  • Whipped cream out of a can. On the previously mentioned chocolaty goodness, and of course, straight from the nozzle into my gaping maw.
  • And so much more. BRB. There’s a cookie with my name on it.

I could listen to all the people telling me how bad everything is, and die from the stress of worrying about each bite I take, or just enjoy life for the fleeting moments I get to live this time around.

We’re all going to die. It’s not as important how you die, as how you live. I choose to live a vibrant, lively, dangerous life full of bad decisions and questionable choices. That way, when I reach my final hours, I won’t lament about giving up so much in order to prolong my life, that I never lived at all.

This is a damned good cookie.

Save

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Dead Lions and Babies

There is no privacy, so secrecy, no place to hide. Big Brother is real. Big Brother is us. We’ve given away our privacy to every app we install on our phones, every website we subscribe to online, every company we purchase from, every content provider we meet. If we don’t give it away, our friends do it for us every day by inviting us to play online games, including us in their selfies, and congratulating us publicly for every milestone. The footprints of everyone’s life journey are all over the internet.

William Shakespeare could have written “As You Like It” today, and the words would still ring true. “All the world’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and their entrances, And one man in his time plays many parts…“. We truly are all actors on a public stage; we’re also watchers, reporters, and critics.

Ed Hall
Artizans Syndicate
Jul 29, 2015
MStreeter Savannah Morning News
Jul 31, 2015
Adam Zyglis
The Buffalo News
Aug 1, 2015



Walter Palmer, a dentist from Bloomington, MN, found out just how public his life is when he became the latest recipient of the digital equivalent of a public lynching. You know the story. He is a world champion animal killer who paid an enormous amount of money for the privilege of killing an endangered animal, Cecil the Lion, just because “killing is fun!” and stuff.

It’s not just the editorial cartoons, passionate reports of this story by celebrities, and (improbable) extradition to Zimbabwe to stand trial for this illegal hunt that troubles Mr. Palmer. The court of public opinion has judged, found him guilty, and has reacted with reviews on his Yelp and Google listings, demonstrations outside his clinic, and a long list of fake and retaliatory social media profiles created solely to punish this man for his crime. As a result, Palmer has gone underground to hide; a privilege reserved for rich hunters, and not for the innocent creatures they kill.

Joe Liccar
The Examiner- Gatehouse News …
Jul 31, 2015

Horrible as this shooting was, and regardless of what we think of Palmer, this is merely a distraction from a much worse crime: Planned Parenthood’s harvesting organs of intact (born alive) babies before killing them. (Warning: some of those links contain disturbing content).

The issue that is always hotly debated is whether abortion is murder. No one can tell precisely when life starts. Can a 20 week fetus survive? A 21 week fetus/baby was delivered and lived. Can a 20-week fetus feel pain? This report says they do. In an age when extremely premature babies live and thrive, when do we stop calling them a fetus (and therefore, just a lump of cells) and a baby – a viable human being? Since it’s not always easy to pinpoint the moment of conception, or actual fetal development, how do we differentiate between the two?

I’ve always lived by the motto, “to each her own” when it comes to abortion. Now, I wonder whether by doing so, I’m enabling women to kill a child that could be loved and raised by a family who desperately needs one. Am I supporting Planned Parenthood’s black market harvesting/killing/profiteering by saying nothing? If it is murder, when is murder okay, and when is it not? If we can kill an “inconvenient” 5 month old child just because it hasn’t taken its first breath, can we kill an elderly person before they are ready to breathe their last, for the same reason?

Yes, the killing of large game, just because one has a lot of money and has become proficient with a bow and arrow is unacceptable. But let’s not forget there are bigger issues that need attention. If Planned Parenthood loses the spotlight, we miss an opportunity to stop the death of a future generation, just because there is a lot of money to be made.