As a long time Bowie fan, I was surprised to hear that he has a new video out that I knew nothing about. Take away my Bowie card now, because, first, I didn’t know about it, and second, I do now, and What. The. Fuck. did I see? “Where Are We Now” is too weird, even for Bowie. Weird is, in fact, too mild a word for the creepy bizarreness of this production.

This video raises nothing but questions. Lots of them.

Who is the chick?
Why isn’t she doing anything?
Is she dead?
Is she the dead person he’s walking?
Is that even legal?
Why are they both ventriloquist dummies?
Why is his house such a mess?
Can’t he afford a housekeeper?
What’s in the big shopping bag?
What the heck is a dschungel? (Never mind. Looked that one up.)
Norway has a song?

I need answers, people. Anyone?